Murder Mystery
by SawyerRaleigh
Summary: The dragons of heaven and earth get invited to a party. Crackfic based on an amusing dream I had. XD Chapter 5 is up!
1. Invitation

"Seiichiro, honey, there's something in the mail for you!" Aoki's wife kissed his cheek as approached her, morning coffee in hand.

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A small box flashed in the corner of the screen. Satsuki frowned, annoyed at the interruption and paused her video game for a moment, zombie's head halfway exploded, to check the email.

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"Ah? What's this?" Yuuto smiled and casually strolled a few cubicles over.

"Hey there." He leaned casually against the doorway and flashed a suggestive smile, appreciating the jump and blush it earned. "Mind if I borrow a letter opener?"

The young woman stammered out a yes and rifled through her things, looking for it. Yuuto reached around her, temporarily enclosing her in his arms as he pulled it out of a pencil holder.

"Ah… yes, there it is." Her blush deepened.

"Allow me to thank you for it by taking you to dinner?" He flashed the same "come and get me" grin, knowing the answer was yes.

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"Hurray! Mail!" Sorata hastily ripped open the envelope, bits and pieces of it scattering around him like Christmas wrapping paper. "Ah… oops." He muttered as he realized had accidently ripped the envelope's contents as well and scrambled about, trying to find all the pieces to tape it back together.

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Nataku pulled the card out of the envelope, wondering how the mailman had even managed to find him with no address and no last name. It was quite admirable, he decided, and wondered if postal work was something he should look into…

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Arashi stared at the card in her hands, wondering what kind of strange joke Sorata was playing this time.

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"You are invited" Yuzuriha read. "Ohmygosh! You hear that, Inuki? We've been invited somewhere!"

"Mommy, why is that girl talking to herself?" a little boy asked.

"Hush, honey, it's not polite to point." The boy's mother grabbed his hand and quickly led him away.

.

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"Invited?" Karen wondered if this was Nokoru's way of hitting on her yet again but quickly realized that he would have found a much flashier way of asking her to an event than with a mere card. She sighed, remembering the time he had hired acrobats to show up and her work and spell out the invitation. Half of them wound up in the hospital, having not realized that the floor was slick from water and soap and slipped.

Then there was the time he tried airplane banners but one of the planes crashed into Tokyo Tower, leaving the Japanese government to believe that this was a terrorist attack. Somehow they had even believed Nokoru's letter to them that the small island nation of uhatakanoru-e was angry with the Japanese government for having ripped off Hello Kitty from their own Hello Komodo Dragon and declared war on the fictional country.

She wondered if maybe he had just given up this time and wearily opened the card.

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Subaru picked up the slip of paper that had drifted out of the card, thinking for a second that it was an ofuda but quickly realized it was not. He stared at it for a long moment, confused, then turned to read the card's contents.

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"A murder mystery party…?" Kamui wondered what on earth that was.

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"A week from now?" Kusanagi read over the card while doing another set of pushups. "Hmm, I wonder if I could really get time off of work for that sort of thing… Is this for missy's birthday party or something? He sat up and wiped away the sweat dripping from his forehead, wondering what he should get her. "Well, where is it, I don't even know where she lives, now that I think about it…"

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"Ah well that explains the plane ticket." Seishirou said to himself, amused.

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"YES!" Fuuma cried. "I have always wanted to hit up Vegas and see the Statue of Liberty and…" He ran off to pack.

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"'Costumes required'? Oh my god. This is going to be the best party ever!" Hokuto declared.

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Kakyou shook his head. Well next week was going to be interesting at any rate.

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_Author's Note: More on the way! :P Stay tuned for chapter 2: the plane ride over._


	2. Plane Ride

_Author's Note: Hello and welcome to "Murder Mystery Chapter 2!" So if you haven't heard, this fic is based on a bizarre dream I had last night in which a friend of mine threw a graduation party to which she invited the characters of X. It was a murder mystery party and well... things got interesting. All of this stuff leading up the actual party though was not in my dream, I'm just writing this part for the hell of it. XD Have fun!_

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"Ma'am, your baggage is way overweight."

"Bah! It's only a little bit- like it'll make much of a difference!"

"It weighs almost 1,000 kilos!"

Hokuto tapped her bright pink heart-adorned nails on the ticket counter impatiently. "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"No, and I'm sure I don't ca- " the attendant started.

"_I_ am the queen of Uhatakanoru-e for your information."

The attendant blanched. "You mean… the country we're at war with?"

"That's right. You'd think you'd show diplomats a bit more respect, ESPECIALLY given the circumstances." Hokuto put a hand on her hip and drew back, turning her nose up. "But I guess not."

"I'm… so sorry ma'am. But we still can't allow you to take this much baggage on such a flight…"

"Oho, I see how it is then. In that case- you leave me no choice. SIC HIM BOYS!"

At that moment a sea of small purple octopi burst out of one of the suitcases, and swarmed the attendant

"Ohohoho! Never deny a woman her full wardrobe!" Hokuto declared, then adjusted her antennae-headband and walked away , the little Styrofoam balls bouncing with every step.

"Heeeelp meee!" The attendant screamed.

"Look Satsuki! Sushi!" Yuuto exclaimed excitedly. "Man these flights are getting fancier and fancier every time I fly if now they're offering live sushi on them!"

Satsuki glared at the attendant with disdain. He was allowing some of the octopi to get on the keyboards of the computers and she was sure it was ruining them. She pulled out her cellphone and began texting BEAST to shut down the airport computer system. That would show him.

A few seconds later every light in the airport went out and pandemonium struck. People ran in every direction, falling over, climbing over, and wriggling over one another in an effort to get somewhere where they could see better, they supposed. Actually they weren't sure why they were panicking if they were honest with themselves, which people rarely are. It just seemed that when the lights went out at an international airport the appropriate course of action was to panic. So they did.

Karen sighed at the way everyone was acting. Such children. She calmly conjured a small fire in the palm of her hand and started to throw several small flames into the air to light the room but before she could, someone bumped into her. She saw a flash of light out of the corner of her eye and realized a split second too late that it was Sorata, conjuring lightning to do the same thing she was going to.

"N-!" She started to scream as they both flailed and their hands briefly crossed as they toppled to the ground in slow motion.

The fire and lightning combined and scattered before either of them could stop it, immediately igniting several different locations simultaneously and creating even more pandemonium.

"Don't worry Karen! I'll take care of this!" Aoki cried, upon seeing the fires.

"NO, you'll-"

But he had already called up a hurricane-worthy wind in an attempt to blow out the fires, thinking that if a breath of air could blow out a candle, then a large wind surely would be the appropriate method of dealing with a very large fire.

He was, of course, mistaken.

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Somehow no one was arrested for the incident at the airport and despite the entire construct being burnt completely to cinders and the death toll being in the hundreds, all fifteen of the people invited to the Murder Mystery party made it onto a plane bound for the USA in one piece.

Unfortunately things did not go smoothly from there.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to report that we are having some technical difficulties with today's flight and may have to make an emergency landing soon." The pilot announced over the intercom.

Kusanagi groaned and curled into an even smaller ball.

"Poor guy- he's never flown before-has a fear of heights you know." Yuzuriha informed a disinterested Kamui, who was too busy trying to figure out how blackjack worked on the small screen on the seat in front of him to have even noticed the announcement.

"It's because you keep texting BEAST. They tell you to turn your cell phones off for a reason." Yuuto whispered to Satsuki.

She didn't even look up from the phone, merely shoved him away, knocking him out of his seat and across the aisle into Arashi's lap. He looked up at her, not terribly unhappy to find his face just below an attractive teenage girl's breasts and grinned. "Hey there, you're pretty cute- wanna join the mile high club?"

"MINE!" Sorata yelled and began conjuring lightning until Karen nervously tapped him on the shoulder and reminded him of what happened last time. He quickly vanished it.

"It's okay, I can take care of it." Arashi said flatly and suddenly was brandishing her sword.

Yuuto screamed and leapt up, running to the bathroom to lock himself in. Arashi chased after him, repeatedly slashing at the plastic door, trying to chip it away to bits to get at him. Suddenly the plane lurched and she lost balance, the sword falling out of her control and straight at one of the people sitting in first class, sending their meal tray scattering in all directions, food and utensils flying through the air.

And that was how Seishirou Sakurazuka really lost his eye. To a stray spork.

Kusanagi groaned again at the plane's movement.

Yuzuriha patted him sympathetically. "I know! I'll go ask what's wrong and see if there's any way I can fix it!" she bounded to the cockpit, ignoring the steward and stewardesses attempts to stop her. "Excuse me, Mr. Pilot sir- what would happen to be going on that the plane is lurching like this?" she asked chipperly.

"We're not sure yet." He said through gritted teeth. "And you're not supposed to be in here."

Inuki had been sniffing at the man's leg and suddenly began to growl.

"What is it boy?" Yuzuriha asked, kneeling beside him.

He glanced at her, confused. "What?"

"He smells like cat?" she asked the dog the pilot couldn't see. "Ooooh but that's no reason to-"

Suddenly the pilot cried out in pain as _something_ bit into his leg. "Get it off, get it off, get it off!" he screamed and leapt up, trying to shake his leg away.

The plane gave another awful lurch and suddenly it became painfully clear to everyone on board that it was going down.

They later discovered the problems had been caused by the plane's baggage hold being overstuffed and about 1,000 kilos overweight.

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_Stay tuned for Chapter 3: We're on a Boat!_

_P.S. I'm tired of these mother-f***ing dragons on this mother f***ing plane!  
_


	3. We're on a Boat!

_Author's Note: Hiii ^_^ /_

_._

The plane hit the water with a sickening halt and everyone was jerked in every direction, crashing into one another with lots of screams and shouts and cursing. Then when that came to a halt, they all breathed a sigh of relief. That is until the plane slowly began to fill up with water.

"MY CELL PHONE!" Satsuki screamed as water swirled around its resting place on the floor by her seat.

"We've gotta get out of here!"

Aoki pulled at the Emergency exit door but found with the water pressure on it, he could not get it open.

"Yuuto! Do something!" He screamed, hoping the watermaster would somehow push all the water back or do SOMETHING useful.

As usual though he was not useful in the slightest, still cowering in the bathroom.

"Oh dammit, move." Kusanagi shoved Aoki aside and ripped the door off with his ridiculous strength.

"He's actually superman, you know." Yuzuriha cheerfully informed Subaru, who immediately imagined the enormous man in blue and red tights and waved his arms in the air trying to dissipate the horrific image.

Yuzuriha stared at him, wondering if he had an invisible bird, like Inuki.

"Everyone, come on, we have to get out of here!" Karen yelled, knocking on the door to the bathroom Yuuto had been in. "Yuuto- come on! You're going to drown if you stay in there!"

The gang all clambered out of the slowly sinking plane and found that Kakyou had found the life raft and was helping them each into it. There was much coughing and sputtering as the drenched gang tried to wring out their clothing and hair as much as possible when suddenly Nataku looked up and asked what the odd triangular thing sticking up out of the water was.

Seishirou looked up to where Nataku was pointing and paled.

"Hey there's another one! And another one!" Nataku observed. "Look, lots of little triangles! What are they Sakurazuka-san?"

"They must have been drawn by the smell of the blood from his eye being gauged out…" Fuuma mused.

"Let's throw him overboard really far away then, maybe they'll chase after him." Kamui suggested bitterly.

One of the sharks nudged the raft and everyone froze except for Nataku, suddenly realizing the danger they were in.

"Yuuto!" Satsuki clutched at his arm. "DO something!"

"Like what?"

"You're a watermaster- cant' you like, control them or something?"

"Nooooo, I can control water, not things that LIVE in water."

"Ack! You are worthless as a minion." Fuuma spat. "I can't believe Kanoe asked you to join, just because she thought you were hot and you two wound up sleeping together."

"Oh so you DID sleep with Kanoe." Satsuki glared.

"Now's not really the time to worry about that!"

And indeed, Yuuto was right, as at that moment, a pair of large, menacing jaws rose up out of the water and clamped down on the edge of the raft. Everyone screamed and scurried to the other end of it where another pair of jaws was rising up as well. But before this one could close down on them all, sending them to an untimely aquatic end, the army of small purple octopi appeared and karate-kicked the shark back into the ocean.

"They're also ninjas!" Hokuto announced delightedly.

The other sharks eyes widened at this and he quickly relinquished the raft, swimming away rapidly with his tail between his… other fins. Which made swimming a bit difficult.

Unfortunately for our characters the raft they had been on had been partially reduced to shreds and was sinking even more quickly than the plane had.

"What do we do!" Karen cried.

"Quick! Make a raft!" Hokuto replied.

"Out of what?"

"The octopi of course!" she answered as the small purple creatures surrounded them, ready and willing to serve their duty to their mistress.

"What do we tie them together with?"

"Hair from Kusanagi's back!" Yuzuriha volunteered and Sorata immediately reached over to tug at Kusanagi's shirt.

"It's no good!" He yelled to her. "He's Asian- he's not hairy enough!"

"Just tie the octopi's legs together!" Seishirou pointed out, eager to get out of the water as the salt was really burning his eye socket.

Everyone realized that this was a very reasonable course of action and set to work tying together the legs of the small octopi until they had a decent sized raft of squirming purple bodies that kept them mostly out of the water.

Once on board the octopi they spent several moments catching their breath before Aoki asked what they were going to do from here.

"Well… we still need to try to get to the US I suppose." Kakyou pointed out.

"Hey, I think I see land!" Sorata cried.

And indeed in the distance they could just make out what appeared to be land.

"How do we make it over there?" Kamui asked.

"We should make a sail I guess. And then Aoki could use his wind powers to blow us toward it." Karen suggested.

"But what do we use as a sail?" Arashi asked.

"Clothes would do I guess. We could just tie them together and a couple of us could hold them up maybe?"

"Whose clothes? We lost all of our luggage when the plane went down." Yuzuriha pointed out.

"I vote we use Subaru's clothes." Kamui piped up.

"Seconded." Seishirou immediately added.

"Thirded." Fuuma agreed.

"Fourthed."Satsuki chimed in.

Yuuto looked at her.

"What? You flirt with every woman in sight- can't I think he's hot?" she replied pointedly.

"Subaru, I think we're all in agreement here." Karen said gently, trying to hide her own eagerness.

Nataku nodded.

Subaru looked at everyone on the raft.

Everyone on the raft looked at Subaru.

"F*** all of you." He said and began stripping, ignoring the dollar bills Sorata was tossing his way. He stopped at his boxers but those suddenly dissolved into sakura petals and drifted away on the sea breeze. Subaru turned bright red and tried his best to cover himself with his hands, which the rest were pleasantly surprised to discover was difficult to do.

Despite the onmyouji's utter embarrassment, the plan did in fact work and a few hours later the crew found themselves on dry land at last.

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_Stay tuned for Chapter 4: Hotel California!_


	4. Attack of the Otaku

_Author's Note: Sorry for the chapter title change! ^^; Btw, no offense intended to any otaku! :P  
_

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The entire lobby stopped to stare when fifteen soaking wet men and women trailed into the hotel, several of them with small wriggling purple octopi still clinging to their hair and clothes, all of them looking like hell.

"Oh. My. Naruto." A girl in an orange hat made to look like a cat's head declared.

The next thing they knew, our characters were swarmed by squealing otaku.

"Hey baby, wanna come upstairs with me and tell me about _work_?" a greasy haired teenage boy asked Karen, who promptly kneed him in the groin.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, I LOVE your outfits. You have GOT to tell me how to make them so I can TOTALLY cosplay as you at next year's animeA convention!" a girl clutched at Hokuto's arm.

"Ohoho! I can tell you how to make my clothes but I would never make you nearly as awesome as me!" Hokuto struck a regal pose before a starstruck group of girls.

"Dude, you know you are **hawt**?" Another group of girls gathered around Kusanagi. "I just **love **a man in uniform… can I touch your arm?" one asked, drooling. Kusanagi nervously tried to back away but realized he was backed up against a potted plant that evidently was also a fan of his as it too began running its leaves over his back muscles and he could very uncomfortably sense its deep appreciation.

A group of guys surrounded Yuuto eagerly. "Hey, can you tell us how you managed to get a hot chick like Satsuki?" they demanded.

He laughed good-naturedly. "Well with faces like those, no. You gotta be as pretty as I am to get someone with that fantastic a rack." He slicked his hair back with one hand and suddenly several of the female fans flocked in his direction.

Kamui was in the middle of an enormous group hug and was slowly turning blue from lack of oxygen

Fuuma meanwhile, was recounting fictional tales of all of the times he had boinked Kamui to a raptly attentive group of yaoi fans. "And THEN there was the time we found some fuzzy handcuffs…" Several of the girls passed out from happiness.

Satsuki was surrounded by a group of mostly male gamers whose pale acne-splattered skin betrayed a teenage life spent indoors, wishing they had friends whose real names they knew instead of just screen names. She didn't seem to notice any of them however, having been distracted by a group of people who had just returned from a robotics convention.

Several girls approached Sorata at once. "Omg, you are sooo sweet you know? You should dump that bitch Arashi and date me!" one of them cried.

Another pushed her out of the way. "Don't listen to her, I'm way cooler than she is, a much better match for your awesome, date ME!" she declared before being elbowed over by yet another girl.

Arashi on the other hand was surrounded by a group of boys doing more or less the same thing.

Another group was demanding to know why Aoki hadn't just dumped his wife for Karen yet and Kakyou found himself being patted on the back and sympathetically cuddled by a group of complete strangers.

A group of creepy older men surrounded Yuzuriha. "Heeey cutie. I've got candy in my truck if you wanna come out with me…"

Kusanagi appeared to at last come to his senses and punched the guy, causing the rest of the men to back away and the girls who'd been around him to swoon.

"Could you please, please, pretty please, make out with Subaru just once for us?" a group of girls with cameras and camera phones at the ready begged Seishirou who flashed a grin and grabbed a squirming Subaru. The squeals echoed through the lobby and half of the people there that day temporarily went blind from all the flashes going off at once.

"ENOUGH!" a voice rose above the din.

Everyone looked up to see at the top of the staircase, a brunette in a red and gold renaissance costume with her hands on her hips.

"Desi-chan!"

"Hokuto-dahling!"

The two girls rushed toward and glomped one another happily.

"Begone- all of you! Shoo!" the brunette waved a hand at the otaku, who deferred to her greatness and dispersed, grumbling about not even getting a lock of so-and-so's hair or so-and-so's autograph. "Now then!" she announced to the X crew. "I am Desirée Davenport: the host of your fantastic party. You will all refer to me as 'Desirée the Great and Mighty' or 'Your Awesomeness' for short. Now. The party officially begins tomorrow at 8am sharp. Be down in the Versailles room at that time or feel the wrath of the Lizzle, who I shall set upon you with the fury of a thousand hellhounds. These are your room keys," she passed out a set of small plastic cards, "the numbers are on them. Every room has a full bed and a twin-sized rollaway bed in it so you're three to a room. If you switch keys to room with someone different, I WILL find out and I WILL punish you, so don't even try it. Your team for the game tomorrow will be the people you are rooming with tonight so BOND PEOPLE." They all jumped at the shouted order at the end. "Any questions?"

The rest of them just stared at her in stunned silence.

"Good. Now. Go rest up everyone!" She linked arms with Hokuto and the two walked away, happily chatting with one another, complimenting each other's strange outfits.

Seishirou was the first to come to his senses again and look down at his room key. "254? Hm." He tilted Subaru's to take a look. "What? 519?"

"I guess we're not rooming together then." Subaru remarked sadly.

"Screw that. Who else has 254?" he demanded.

Suddenly Desiree reappeared behind him, threw an arm around his shoulder and held a knife up to his other eye. "Unless you wish to go completely blind sir, I recommend you stick to the room assignments." She suggested menacingly.

Seishirou twitched then nodded and Desiree disappeared again.

Yuzuriha bounded up to him. "I'm 254 Sei-chan! I guess that makes us roomies for the night!"

Kusanagi looked ready to hit someone again.

Kamui wandered up next to Subaru, having finally regained consciousness after his near asphyxiation. He grabbed Subaru's arm and flashed a smile at Seishirou. "Guess who's rooming with you, Subaru?" he said tauntingly, dancing out of the way when Seishirou tried to smack him.

Fuuma walked up and threw an arm around Seishirou. "Don't worry. Even if Subaru can't satisfy your lust tonight, I'll be there for you Sei-chan." The two men grinned at one another and Kamui gagged.

Arashi looked at her room key. "438?"

Kakyou nodded in her direction. "I've got that one too."

She glanced at Sorata's key and seeing that he was in a different room, sighed.

"Don't worry!" Kakyou said approaching her. "It'll be like a sleepover!" he waved his hand flamboyantly and the rest of the gang all turned to stare at him in shock. "It was a joke…" he mumbled and the rest of them looked even more shocked.

"He can joke?" Kamui asked.

Kakyou sighed. "Who else is with us?"

No one answered.

"I guess there's 14 people, so that would mean that one room only has 2…" he trailed off as Nataku raised his hand. "Um, yes Nataku?"

"I don't know how to read…" the boy said sheepishly.

"Oh yeah, here," Fuuma took the key from him. "You're in 438. So with them." He nodded toward Arashi and Kakyou.

Sorata looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "Nooooooo Miss! In a room alone with two beautiful men! However shall our love survive?"

Arashi pulled out a squirt bottle and sprayed him in response.

Kusanagi and Aoki were already on their way to the elevators, having discovered much to their relief that they were in a room with just the two of them and no one crazy.

Yuuto was delighted to discover that Karen's room number matched his. "Heeeey," he said, throwing an arm around her waist and pulling her close. "Would you possibly consider a hot threesome, you me and my girlfriend tonight?" he winked.

Satsuki pushed her glasses up her nose shooting an annoyed look at Karen. "Your girlfriend is not rooming with you.

"Eh?"

Sorata peered over he and Karen's shoulders. "Nope! I am! Hey Ms. Kasumi this could be a lot of fun! Weren't we talking once about those pranks you used to pull on room service when you first started working as a call girl? We should totally try some of them here!"

Kamui and Subaru looked at one another. "Um, you're with us?" Subaru asked at long last. Satsuki nodded and walked up to them both, ignoring the obvious shudders that ran up both of their entire bodies.

"Shall we?"

Everyone retired to their rooms but the night wasn't over yet.

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_Author's Note: So as a quick guide to get the teams straight for now (next chapter they'll even get team names oho!):_

_1. Kakyou + Arashi + Nataku_

_2. Seishirou + Fuuma + Yuzuriha_

_3. Karen + Yuuto + Sorata_

_4. Subaru + Kamui + Satsuki_

_5. Aoki + Kusanagi_

_Hokuto apparently is friends with the host and as such is chillin' with her. Desiree Davenport btw, is a pseudonym that the friend I orignally dreamed about uses sometimes. :P  
_


	5. Colorless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

_Author's Note: I should really be in bed. But I'm not. I'm sitting here writing this. Why? I dunno, so three of my stories would be updated all at once before school starts? XD I dunno. I don't feel like this is a particularly good chapter but whatever. I'm not aiming for good. I'm aiming for capturing the randomness that is my dreamland since I don't bother to visit it myself often enough. While colorless green ideas may sleep furiously, this author does not sleep at all. Btw, major kudos to anyone who knows what that sentence is a reference to. ^_^ I'm willing to explain it to anyone who doesn't if you're curious.  
_

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The three of them stared at the bedroom arrangement, taking in the single full-sized bed and couch apparently meant to accommodate the third occupant.

"I guess we're taking the bed and you get the couch then." Kamui grabbed Subaru's arm and gave Satsuki a pointed look.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh I don't think so."

"What? I'm not letting you sleep with Subaru in the bed!"

"Nor do I want to." She replied in a bored voice.

"Well you're not sleeping with me either!" Kamui shot back.

"That would be even worse. I bet you're one of those people who subconsciously snuggles up to whatever or whoever is in bed with you aren't you?"

"Kamui…" Subaru began in a placating tone, noticing that the younger man was beginning to shake.

"I bet you snore too."

That was it. Subaru quickly found himself being drowned in a pile of feathers as pillows and the down comforter and stray birds that had been innocently resting on the windowsill were ripped apart in the epic battle for the bed rights.

In the end, management asked them to leave and when Desiree found them sleeping outside the hotel the next morning on a park bench she was utterly furious and sentenced them to a day wearing fluffy pink dresses. Kamui and Satsuki however were equally upset about this as well and before another feather strewn incident could begin, Desiree gave up and stormed off to the ballroom, swearing that if they screwed up again, she was tying them all up and feeding them to the fangirls, limb by limb.

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Meanwhile in Seishirou and Fuuma's room there was a similar debate over who should get the bed. It however, ended slightly differently.

"Well obviously Inuki will take the couch and we'll all share the bed." Yuzuriha informed the two men matter-of-factly.

"Run that by me again?" Fuuma asked.

Yuzuriha began to repeat herself.

"Nonono. I mean who the hell is Inuki?"

"He is!" Yuzuriha pointed to the floor beside her.

"What? That bit of carpet?" Seishirou stared it, wondering if it was the recent loss of an eye that was keeping him from seeing whatever it was she was referring to.

"No silly! The dog sitting on the carpet!"

Okay surely his eyesight had not gotten THAT bad.

Seishirou and Fuuma exchanged looks.

"Yeaaaah. Whatever. That aside. You're sleeping on the couch." Fuuma told her firmly.

Yuzuriha tilted her head.

And then the screen went black in the author's head and even she was never allowed to find out how this was accomplished but when the lights came back on Yuzuriha was snuggled happily into bed with Fuuma and Seishirou on either side of her, both facing away angrily and clutching at their manly bits.

And Inuki did in fact take the couch.

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Aoki and Kusanagi had a wonderfully normal evening in which they decided to go to the bar down in the hotel lobby, share a couple of drinks and a pleasant conversation, then turn in for the night.

That's how they remembered it anyway.

Both miraculously managed to forget the part where the couple of drinks turned out to be over a dozen a piece and when they returned to their room it was for hot drunken mansex. But it's probably best that they forgot, don't you think?

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Sorata, Karen and Yuuto did not have so peaceful a night as the others though.

It began with prank calls to the busboys and somehow ended with a pink elephant in their room. At the time, they were sure it was just all of the pot they had convinced the busboy to go out and find them (although they suspected he hadn't needed to look much farther than his pocket and the only reason it took him so long to fetch it was because he needed to come down from his own high first). So with the elephant in the room that none of them wanted to acknowledge, the three of them went to bed. Or rather just all fell asleep wherever they happened to be when the mood struck them.

In Sorata's case this was with his legs hanging out the window, resulting in an interesting run-in with the fire department and a large trampoline followed by a cop and a psychologist specializing in suicidal depression the next morning. It took Desirée coming to the rescue to get him out of jail and away from the shrink so that he could attend the meeting. Because he was of course late due to all the commotion, and because it hadn't worked with Kamui, Subaru and Satsuki, she decided to sentence him to wearing the pink dress. He took it without complaint.

Karen found the whole thing highly amusing and spent the next morning praying her thanks to God that she had only fallen asleep in the bathtub, even if it was completely naked except for a tie none of them were ever able to identify the owner of.

Yuuto on the other hand had his own troubles upon waking up because you see, the elephant, as it turned out, was not a hallucination after all and Yuuto, having been convinced the night before that he was in fact a circus performer, had fallen asleep on its back. The next morning he discovered he had no idea how to get off of it. Or how to get the elephant out of the room. Or how they had gotten it in there in the first place.

So while everyone else got caught up in the commotion surrounding Sorata, he was forgotten and only found when Desirée had finally gathered everyone in the ballroom and noticed he hadn't shown up.

In the end, Hokuto ordered the small purple octopi to create a ladder to help him down from the elephant's back and rather than a pink dress, sentenced Yuuto to wear a sparkly vest and silver hotpants around for the rest of the day, insisting that it was all the rage with young gay men, despite Yuuto's protests that he was straight.

And so at last all the characters gathered in the ballroom the next morning, most of them more than a little worse for wear and quite ready to just get on with the story.

.

_A/N: AokixKusanagi: The most ridiculous pairing I could think of. XD_

EDIT:

Okay so apparently the author originally forgot to put in Arashi, Kakyou and Nataku.

(Well I knew _someone_ was missing, I just couldn't figure out who!)

(Shut up- you'll make the readers think you're even more crazy than they already do.)

Anyway. As it turns out, their being forgotten was due to the fact that nothing all that interesting happened in their room. All they did was play Go Fish.

Granted it was Strip Go Fish, and strangely at Nataku's suggestion. Where he got the idea, the world will never know, but it ended up saving him as both Arashi and Kakyou had been previously planning on taking advantage of him in his sleep, Arashi having assumed he was a guy and Kakyou having assumed he was a girl.

Once they both discovered that he was neither however, they changed their minds and tried to take advantage of one another instead, leading to a very awkward situation in which they both agreed mutual rape just was not the same and ended up sleeping on the floor on opposite sides of the room, trying to pretend like the whole incident never happened.

They also were disturbed to find that another strange effect of Nataku's being genetically engineered was that he had suction pads on the bottom of his feet and regularly slept upside down with them attached to the ceiling, rather like a bat.

All in all it was a very strange evening for the guy Hokuto had paid to secretly film them to make sure Kakyou stayed faithful to her.

.


End file.
